Tuesday, February 23, 2010

this is not how i want to be forgotten/this is not how i want to leave remains

So this post has a bit of a purpose.

It's the National Eating Disorder Association's awareness week this week. I was thinking about how to approach writing about this, because I hold it as something very important.

In full honesty, I started this blog as a way to help my own recovery from an eating disorder. Music is something that fills my body and my heart and my intangible essence with dizzy, beating life, and I used its power to wake me up and bring me back to myself.

While on a glorious blue sky hike with my new dog Oskar (yes, named for Oskar Blues in Lyons), I was listening to the new Matt Pond PA album, released this April, that my vivacious friend Heather introduced me to. It got me thinking about how best to explain why being in touch with music is integrally tied to my connection to my body...and how many people in the world have lost touch with their bodies and their souls to eating disorders.

It's a strange society we live in. Over processed food and over produced digitally enhanced pop stars are supposed to sustain us. Does anyone else find it totally unappetizing? I know I do. It's too easy to accept the packaging without checking the inside. And these days, most of what we're told to accept (diets, gym memberships, the Jonas Brothers) are completely void of substance.

I challenge everyone (including myself) to find what really moves you. What sustains you and nourishes and feeds all the interconnected parts of you. What drives out the other definitions and expectations and sends your guarded eyes flying open.

Matt Pond PA's soon to be released The Dark Leaves got me moving out of intuition and genuine happiness this morning, and that's the only way I want to ever experience life. I hope that everyone who struggles with remaining real and healthy in such a fun house world can find what works for them to reconnect the wires, whether it be music or something else.

But if you are sparked by music, check out this track that trapped me in its pensive richness and complex brightness.

Remains- Matt Pond PA

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  1. i love this song and i love you.

    thank you for this weekend.

  2. You are amazing, daughter of mine. I love you and am so proud of how you are working on your recovery. We missed you at the vigil but you are in my thoughts always. Love mom